Bizarro Warrior Wolf Woman of the Wasteland By Carlton Mellick III

womanRoad Warrior Werewolves versus McDonaldland Mutants…post-apocalyptic fiction has never been quite like this. They call themselves the Warriors, their enemies call them the Bitches. They are a gang of man-eating, motorcycle-riding, war-hungry werewolf women, and they are the rulers of the wasteland. A century after the fall of civilization, only one city remains standing. It is a self-contained utopian society protected by a three-hundred-foot-high steel wall. The citizens of this city live safe, peaceful lives, completely ignorant to the savagery that takes place beyond the walls. They are content and happy, blindly following the rules of the fascist fast food corporation that acts as their government. But when Daniel Togg, a four-armed bootlegger from the dark side of town, is cast out of the walled city, he soon learns why the state of the outside world has been kept secret. The wasteland is a chaotic battleground filled with giant wolves, mutant men, and an army of furry biker women who are slowly transforming into animals. Trapped on the wrong side of a war zone, Daniel Togg makes new friends and new enemies, while uncovering the mysteries of the people living in the wasteland and how they came to be there. Including 45 illustrations by the author, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland is an epic bizarro tale of dehumanization, gender separation, consumption, and violent sexual awakenings. A fast-paced post-apocalyptic adventure in the vein of The Road Warrior, featuring a very unique werewolf mythology.

My Review:

I was going into this knowing it would be odd, and I was not disappointed. What I didn’t expect was the epic journey it took me through the wasteland with the Wolf Women and the mutants. Loved it all the way to the end that had me go huh?!?

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Bizarro Vegan Zombie Apocalypse by Wol-vriey

veganFear not mankind, the omniscient God Necro proclaims that your tasty brains will be safe from the ravenous undead during the impending zombie apocalypse. Unfortunately for most of you, however, the enlightened zombie hoard plans to herd you like cattle on their potato plantations and use your fertile bodies to grow their specialized blood veggies.

Only by prostrating yourself before the Great Necro can you join forces with other faithful necros and defend humanity from the ever encroaching zombie invasion. But it won’t be easy, especially if you’ve just escaped from the vegfarm – and you already have the cattle brand on your forehead and the telltale potato vines sprouting from your body.

Bounty-hunting zombinators, flying cleaver-laden helicopters and cockrockets, will soon be hot on your trail as you race toward the Promised Land and the sanctuary that is known as the Republic of Texas.

My Review:

This book is not for everyone. There is a lot of things that will shock, gross you out and anger you. The story was interesting and very different as you saw this world through different eyes all the way through. Once you thought you had a character to follow Wol-vriey changes it up on you. I highly recommend this one if you like Bizarro fiction because he nails all the elements of absurdness, satire, and the grotesque on the head with this one.

Bizarro Chainsaw Cop Corpse by Wol-vriey

chainsawSimon is having a bad fucking week. When you’re a D.C. Detective, every week is a bad week, but this week has been a BAD freaking week.

For starters, some psychopath has been murdering people, stealing their body parts and smearing their corpses with peanut butter.

To make matters worse, the contract killer “Boots” has recently resurfaced, and his girlfriend’s chainsaw arm destroyed his bed when he made her climax.

To top it all off, Simon’s been pissing random body parts for days. Ears, fingers, toes… And if that weren’t bad enough, now he has to drop a deuce!

My Review:

Okay let me tell you something first off this book might disgust you and possibly offend you. I am not easy to be disgusted or offended. Now onto the story. The story at first seemed it might be confusing but it kept me reading wanting to know more not only about the characters but the villains. The visuals were crazy, the people were crazy, the villains were crazy, but together it worked. I love the sheep and the crabs and the urn, but I won’t give anything else away because you have to read it for yourself. If you like Bizarro Fiction this one needs to be added to your list to read, or if you are looking for just a crazy read. There is a LOT of crazy in this book.

Bizarro Clusterfuck Carlton Mellick III

clusterA bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . . From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits “Satan Burger” and “Adolf in Wonderland,” comes a violent and hilarious B movie in book form. Set in the same woods as Mellick’s splatterpunk satire “Apeshit,” Clusterfuck follows Trent Chesterton, alpha bro, who has come up with what he thinks is a flawless plan to get laid. He invites three hot chicks and his three best bros on a weekend of extreme cave diving in a remote area known as Turtle Mountain, hoping to impress the ladies with his expert caving skills.

But things don’t quite go as Trent planned. For starters, only one of the three chicks turns out to be remotely hot and she has no interest in him for some inexplicable reason. Then he ends up looking like a total dumbass when everyone learns he’s never actually gone caving in his entire life. And to top it all off, he’s the one to get blamed once they find themselves lost and trapped deep underground with no way to turn back and no possible chance of rescue. What’s a bro to do? Sure he could win some points if he actually tried to save the ladies from the family of unkillable subterranean cannibal mutants hunting them for their flesh, but fuck that. No slam piece is worth that amount of effort. He’d much rather just use them as bait so that he can save himself.

It’s Tucker Max versus “The Descent” in this gore-filled comedy for the camp horror fan.

My Review:

Another fun romp. I kept waiting to see what everyone’s secret was, because Apeshit had some twisted characters, I was not disappointed. I don’t want to give to much away, but it is a fun read. maybe something you want to read lightly if your claustrophobic, douch-aphobic, or not into spelunking. I did like Apeshit better, but this one had more. One to add to your tbr list not only because it is an EXTREME read, but if you’re a B horror junky you’ll enjoy.

Bizarro Apeshit Carlton Mellick III

apeFriday the 13th meets Visitor Q. Apeshit is Mellicks love letter to the great and terrible B-horror movie genre. Six trendy teenagers (three cheerleaders and three football players) go to an isolated cabin in the mountains for a weekend of drinking, partying, and crazy sex, only to find themselves in the middle of a life and death struggle against a horribly mutated psychotic freak that just wont stay dead. Mellick parodies this horror clich and twists it into something deeper and stranger. It is the literary equivalent of a grindhouse film. It is a splatterpunks wet dream. It is perhaps one of the most fucked up books ever written. If you are a fan of Takashi Miike, Evil Dead, or Eurotrash horror then you must read this book.

My Review:

After I finished this book I felt like I needed psychologist and a cigarette, and I don’t smoke lol. Not only was it that crazy I still want to read more.