Bizarro Clusterfuck Carlton Mellick III

clusterA bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . . From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits “Satan Burger” and “Adolf in Wonderland,” comes a violent and hilarious B movie in book form. Set in the same woods as Mellick’s splatterpunk satire “Apeshit,” Clusterfuck follows Trent Chesterton, alpha bro, who has come up with what he thinks is a flawless plan to get laid. He invites three hot chicks and his three best bros on a weekend of extreme cave diving in a remote area known as Turtle Mountain, hoping to impress the ladies with his expert caving skills.

But things don’t quite go as Trent planned. For starters, only one of the three chicks turns out to be remotely hot and she has no interest in him for some inexplicable reason. Then he ends up looking like a total dumbass when everyone learns he’s never actually gone caving in his entire life. And to top it all off, he’s the one to get blamed once they find themselves lost and trapped deep underground with no way to turn back and no possible chance of rescue. What’s a bro to do? Sure he could win some points if he actually tried to save the ladies from the family of unkillable subterranean cannibal mutants hunting them for their flesh, but fuck that. No slam piece is worth that amount of effort. He’d much rather just use them as bait so that he can save himself.

It’s Tucker Max versus “The Descent” in this gore-filled comedy for the camp horror fan.

My Review:

Another fun romp. I kept waiting to see what everyone’s secret was, because Apeshit had some twisted characters, I was not disappointed. I don’t want to give to much away, but it is a fun read. maybe something you want to read lightly if your claustrophobic, douch-aphobic, or not into spelunking. I did like Apeshit better, but this one had more. One to add to your tbr list not only because it is an EXTREME read, but if you’re a B horror junky you’ll enjoy.

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